Several years ago my dad opened a Mexican restaurant. The main goal for any enterprise is to make money, and so it might seem strange that there was one item on our menu on which we consciously lost money. Every time someone ordered guacamole, we lost $1.00. Why? Because our guacamole was like crack and it drove business through the doors, but it would have been too expensive if we actually charged people what it cost to make it. We bought fresh ingredients from the farmer’s market in Flagstaff and made it by hand. It was with this proud guacamole heritage that Sheena and I prepared for the impromptu Guac-Off at Sole and Diego’s house in Playa Coco, Costa Rica.
As with most of the positive aspects of our life these days, we fell into this situation by way of not having a plan. We had arrived on the Nicoya Peninsula that morning, and decided to head to Playa Tamarindo. It wasn’t because of anything specific we’d heard about Tamarindo, it was merely the only place on the peninsula we’d ever heard of.
As we approached Tamarindo, we passed a break in the trees where we could see a beach. People basked in the sun on the white sand and surfers were lined up in the water. It had all of the ingredients of a good day, so we rolled Nacho to the roadside and pulled out the surfboards.
It might be of interest to know that neither Sheena nor I really knows how to surf. We’ve been attempting, with varying degrees of success, to catch waves ever since we put down tracks in Baja California. Nevertheless, I sat out there on the longboard while Sheena paddled around on the stand-up paddleboard (SUP), and we took turns getting pulverized by waves. In between watery punishments, we noticed a guy and a girl successfully surfing on their SUPs. After we’d had enough, Sheena decided to ask them for advice.
It turned out that the SUPing couple were Diego and Sole (pronounced ‘so-lay’), owners of a paddleboard tour company in Playa Coco, about 45 minutes up the peninsula. With them were a couple of American friends who had recently moved to town.
“We’re having a guac-off tonight”, they said. “You guys should come. You can sleep in our guest room.”
And with that we abandoned the idea of Tamarindo and headed back the way we’d come. There are rules to this game, and rule number 6 says if you get invited to a guacamole making party, you drop whatever you’re doing and go. Especially when you have guacamole heritage in the family. The thought of a real bed was also appealing.
And so it was that 45 minutes later we were stepping through the doors of Sole and Diego’s extra nice, super comfortable condo in Playa Coco. It was the first time in three months that we’d set foot inside of a modern home; uniform walls, granite countertops, plush couches, decorations, curtains, and nice beds, not to mention a nice patio overlooking the town.
We weren’t there long before we were whisked out the door by the Americans Heather and Jeff, and their Costa Rican friend Sandy. There was to be a guac-off, so we had to loosen up. We drove Diego’s truck through the mountains and down a 4×4 track to a hidden beach in a cove. Diego had told us that a red tide had come a few days before, but that it should have been gone by now.
I brought along my speargun and snorkeling gear, as I was told that this cove had crystal clear water, and was basically an underwater seafood buffet. In the Pacific Ocean of all places, where my research has shown a distinct lack of fish. Jackpot. As I entered the water, however, something didn’t seem right. Funky smell. The water was rather opaque. “It’ll get better”, I thought. I spent a few minutes fumbling with my flippers and snorkel, then loaded my speargun and put my face into the water. I’m color-retarded, so it took me this long to realize that the water was dark red. I swam away from the shore, thinking that perhaps deeper water would mean more currents and clarity.
After a few minutes I had a boogie man moment. I decided to see how bad the visibility really was, so I placed my hand in front of my face. I couldn’t see it. Being that I was born and raised in a forest, and had spent considerable time in deserts (all far from the ocean), this instantly sent my mind into all kinds of worst case scenarios. Red tide! Still here! Can’t see anything! Could be rocks! Could be sharks! I’m a sitting duck! I’ve wet my pants! Am I drowning? I might be drowning!
I put my little blue flippers in high gear and quickly brought myself ashore. Once I was safely out of shark territory I slowed down and adopted more of a David Hasselhof saunter towards the others. Did you see me almost bag that roosterfish?
Once back at Sole and Diego’s house, it was game time. There were three guacamole entrants; Sandy (using her husband’s secret recipe), Heather and Jeff, and Sheena and me. Diego and Sole made homemade garlic aioli, salsa, grilled chicken, carne asada, and taco fixings. While we made guacamole, Sole kept the margaritas flowing. She may have been trying to throw us off our game, but Sheena and I took our margaritas in stride and perfectly executed our guacamole.
In the end, each of us put our own spin on the traditional preparation. Heather and Jeff infused theirs with finely chopped bacon and ample bacon grease. Sandy added a dash of sugar, extra lime, and some cream cheese. Sheena and I blackened some garlic cloves, turned them into a paste in a mortar, and then stirred them into the guacamole. The stage was set. Judge Diego positioned himself in front of the bowls.
We looked on eagerly as he cycled through the bowls. Chip…dip…taste…(shifty eyes)…chew…(eyebrows tilt)…nod of the head…swallow. So much was riding on the verdict. If we lose, I thought, I will never be able to look my dad in the eyes again. Black sheep.
Finally he finished his rounds and we waited in anticipation. He grabbed a bowl and held it up. “This one is the winner!”
It was our bowl! It had been a while since we’d won at anything, so this was thrilling. Oh, the sweet taste of victory! I strutted around with my chest puffed out while Sheena squealed with excitement.
In the end we had a really nice dinner with our new friends. We rested in a clean and comfortable bed, ate great food, and laughed our brains out, thanks entirely to the kindness of strangers.
We didn’t follow a recipe for our guac, but if you want to make it on your own, here’s approximately what we did:
Nacho’s Guac-Off Championship Winning Guacamole
Cut up the following and put in a bowl:
– One large tomato
– One small white onion
– A handful of fresh cilantro
– Five avocadoes (cut them in half and spoon the insides into the bowl, save the pits for later)
– A teaspoon of salt, and one of pepper
– The juice from one lime
Now do this:
– Throw five or six garlic cloves in a skillet with a splash of oil and fry them until the skin turns black
– Mash up the garlic in a mortar or in a bowl with a spoon. Now add it to the guac bowl.
– Stir up all of the ingredients with a fork, mashing the avocadoes as you mix. Once everything is a nice chunky consistency, stop mixing. Don’t get it too creamy, you want it chunky.
– Throw the avocado pits back into the bowl and stir them in.
– Taste with a spoon, add some salt, taste, add salt, etc. until it blows your mind.